Is it selfish of me?

That right now, I don’t care if my ADHD kid succeeds, I’d just like to get my head above water?

Just…so much of the self-help material that’s out there is about getting your kid to succeed. Well, I’d like to succeed. You know that desperation and exasperation that permeates suffers of ADHD in things like Gabor Mate’s Scattered Minds? I am not only there, I zoomed past it a couple of days ago. 

I hate vacations. I hate special occasions. I loathe Mother’s Day and birthdays and Christmas. Why? Because whatever I manage to do to keep myself from drowning just…goes out the window.

I’m probably better at handling them than I used to be (thanks to my wife) but I am so much more tired of it. Christmas and birthdays don’t feel like a celebration to me: they just feel like another chance to fail.

I feel like I already fail enough. Why am I setting myself up for this?

I can understand why sufferers of ADHD sometimes end up old and alone and friendless…because it seems like too damned much work trying to handle the special occasions.

Ah, well. This, too, shall pass.

Current strategy for Christmas and birthdays (and this is the first year I’ve tried it): I have a reminder in Evernote (but any calendar will do) for about a month before The Event that lists what I should be doing. I have smaller reminders on week-by-week basis.

So Christmas has a first one that outlines what needs to be done overall, and what needs to be done that week if I’m not going to end up spending a bazillion dollars.

Three weeks before the event is another that outlines what should happen that week, and so on, and so on.

This year was just as stressful as the others (or my tolerance is lower as I age), but it seemed to work correctly. Possibly a different topic…but I take no joy in that. I only feel as though I’ve escaped doom this time, and next time might be as bad.

(Perhaps it’s a hallmark of ADHD that we don’t seem to get the emotional benefits of mastery.)


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